Enneagram Type 2 are primarily relationship focused. They constantly offer their happy hearts and support to others to stay connected and show their love, this is why they are called Alluring Givers. Twos enjoy being generous, filling needs and helping with emotional support. They can be genuinely benevolent and they value friendship, family, love, relationships and sharing above all else, perhaps more so than any other Type. Think of the perfect parent. They are compassionate and empathetic. They acquire a feeling of being loved by the closeness they establish through their giving because they subconsciously believe that being connected and needed by others is the primary reason for being. They care about people. They have warm smiles and open arms for anyone who needs a hug.
The warm homes of Alluring Givers are cozy and welcoming. These are cheerful friends who listen and lend a shoulder to cry on. They will step in when someone is feeling down and their optimistic approach is a soft place to land. They are hyper-focused on meeting the needs of others. Most of the Twos I know are incredible cooks who love to feed a hungry mouth, and if they can’t cook, they will bring take-out.
On the dark side, these helpful efforts can become an indiscriminate type of people-pleasing that is a form of giving with strings attached. Here we see their nemesis. Twos secretly believe others have more needs than they do and would be unable to make it without their help. Most Alluring Givers can name someone who they believe wouldn’t be where they are today if it weren’t for them. They believe they have fewer needs than others. This hidden pride is the passion of the Two.
Alluring Givers are convinced that through flattery and targeted assistance they can make anyone fond of them. Objectively this is false because we all have people who simply don’t like us. Ironically, Twos pretend to like everyone but could also name a few people they could do without. Working for the positive regard of others is exhausting because Twos are forever gushing and self-sacrificing. Twos can be codependent and addicted to the affirmative way others respond to them. They tend to be enablers if unaware because their giving can be excessive. Others can experience their giving as manipulative, intrusive and suffocating. Sadly, Twos can easily feel heartbroken and rejected when they sense that others don’t love them in they way they want to be loved.
Twos (along with Threes and Fours) are in the Heart center of intelligence. The focus of this group is connection, affection, bonding, image and acceptance. The focus is relational. They filter the world first through emotions. They can mirror the moods of others to stay connected to them. Sometimes this is genuine and healthy but it can disintegrate into something else. In order to receive love and approval, they create an appropriate image. They are sad that they are not lovable aside from this unique identity.
When Twos become aware, they learn to acknowledge, and express their needs. Then, they can receive from others and open up the natural flow of reciprocity that exists in all healthy connection. The practice of humility helps them develop their highest virtue. They don't feel the need to fake friendliness or helpfulness but can be sincere and tell others "no" when necessary. Once awakened from the grip of the personality (or Ego or Ennea-Type), Alluring Givers stop trying to be everything to everybody. They don't need to be everyone's favorite. They realize they are worthy of love just as they are. They recognize that others will love them even without exorbitant giving and engulfing.
Healthy Twos give without expecting anything in return or keeping track of gifts or what they have done for others. They genuinely care about people and give from a place of humble gratitude. They will look at the dark places inside of them rather than only seeing the positive, loving side because we've all got junk. They are cheerful, comfortable in their own skin and radically gracious and humble.
With no strings attached,
Jessica Morgan McAtee
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