We can all appreciate the creativity, poetry and empathy that exudes from Extraordinary Romantics, found at point Four of the Enneagram symbol. They are in the Heart Center of Intelligence and they are profoundly involved with their feelings in a way that most of us (non-Fours) are unfamiliar with. Fours are wildly imaginative and deeply sensitive. They are quirky artists who (sub-consciously) experience most of their reality through the filter of their tempestuous hearts.
Fours seek to have their authentic-self flow out of them in order to make an impact on the world and a name for themselves. Extraordinary Romantics have an endless need to be unique and a dislike for the ordinary dross of daily life. They are looking for their true identity and how it can imprint the world as it flows genuinely out of their inner experience which they feel nobody else understands. To be mundane or insignificant without an identity is the tragedy they most want to avoid. Romantics dream of an ideal beauty and a love (human, art or other) that will deliver them from today’s unsatisfactory circumstances.
Fours are more comfortable with melancholy than the rest of us. They savor sad music and indulge in heartbreaking love stories, even their own. They don't see a need for things to always be bright and cheery. Though they can certainly be joyful, they are just as content in despair, which makes them incredibly precious during dark times. Fours crave profundity. Extraordinary Romantics are safe places for friends to run to and they thrive on meaningful intimacy. In sorrowful times, they are the friend who will sit by your side in solidarity. Fours gently hold space.
In any given day Extraordinary Romantics can experience a vast range of feelings from extreme highs to lows. It can be confusing for them to know what they are genuinely feeling because of the conflict. Others can experience Fours as moody and self-absorbed. They can be overly dramatic and deeply myopic towards their own struggles. They believe they are what they feel. Extraordinary Romantics may fall into a pattern of trusting their feelings more than reality. They can become overly attached to the emotions they prefer in the moment, whether sad or joyful or romantic, and then try to create situations through music, relationships or experiences that help bolster and prolong the feeling. Extraordinary Romantics seek to reinforce their feeling of choice, which they self-identify with, rather than let feelings change and come and go as they naturally do and holding a self aside from them.
Fours have a sense that they are somehow flawed differently than others. It feels like their circumstance is especially tragic. It's like they once had a nameless deep connection but it has been lost and they struggle to find it again. This desire for the abstract and undefined leads them into a fantasy world. It also brings their passion of envy to the surface. They envy the easy way others are in the world and wrestle with identifying the essential element that they lack. They believe others have a wholeness that is, for them, unattainable.
Healthy Fours discover they aren't lacking a secret ingredient. They learn to express gratitude which neutralizes the envy and grounds the fantasy. They can see that everyone’s life is a mixed bag of suffering and triumph, including theirs. Rather than focus on loss and voids, they choose to focus on the gifts and blessings in their lives. They are appreciative and allow themselves to enjoy their existence. They understand that no emotion is forever. Integrated Fours relax the procrastination from striving to be unique and instead do useful, practical things to leave a positive mark with their creative soul. They focus outward rather than getting stuck in self-absorption and appreciate life just as it is. Then, even the ordinary becomes completely beautiful.
Giving thanks for today,
Jessica Morgan McAtee
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